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Erin Alexander, who was suffering from the loss of her relative, was having a hard day. However, her day took an unexpected turn when she picked up her order and noticed a message on the cup: “Madam,” the waitress had written next to a heart, “your heart is golden.” The small and unexpected act moved her deeply, brightening the rest of her day.

New research confirms the great influence of experiences like Ms. Alexander’s. Researchers found people who perform an unplanned act of kindness tend to undervalue how much the receiver will appreciate it. This could hold many of us back from doing nice things for others more often.

In a recent experiment, 84 participants (参与者) were given a hot chocolate on two cold weekends at a park and were told they could keep it or give it to a stranger. The 75 participants who gave away their drink were asked to guess how “big” their kind act would feel to the receiver on a scale (等级) from 0 to 10, and how the receiver would rate their feelings upon receiving it. The receivers were then asked to report how they actually felt using the same scale.

It turned out that the people doing the kind thing always undervalued the importance of their actions. While they thought they were offering something small, the receivers considered it more meaningful because someone had done something nice for them.

Despite longing for kindness, many people feel awkward at the thought of being kind. The “little inner voice” often leads them to question whether their behavior might be misunderstood or whether it will make the receiver feel pressured to pay it back.

But an act of kindness is unlikely to have unintended results; it can lead to even more kindness. If you are not already in the habit of performing unplanned kind acts, start by thinking about what you are interested in and how you can turn that into an offering for others.