学进去

Does your life ever feel as if you’re pushing a heavy car—one on which you’ve spent much money and that has now broken down? You’ve done everything right: you haven’t invested heavily in a new business or quit your job to pursue your childhood dream of becoming a professional athlete. You have been a sensible adult living your sensible life. So why does it feel like such hard work?

This has been me for the past few months. Earlier this year, I took a long hard look at my sources of income and decided to focus on the ones that provided the most money. I’m lucky enough to have had a good financial year. But despite doing the right thing, it has used up my energy and I’ve worked out why.

Years ago, I realized that I disliked hard work. Don’t get me wrong. I don’t mind working hard, but hard work isn’t for me. What’s the difference? For a start, hard work feels as if it never really gets going. You can push hard work and it might move a little but there’s no celebratory moment when it gets done. Most importantly, hard work lacks joy. Working hard on a project you feel excited and moved by can be tiring and difficult, but it’s ultimately joyful and that is what I’ve been missing   

So I asked myself what would feel scary but joyful and this is the answer. I’m going to write a romance. Of course, being a middle-aged journalist who suddenly decides to write a book is nothing novel. However, for me, it hits the sweet spot between being joyful enough to make me want to do it and scary enough to make me feel it’s worthwhile.

As with all good middle-aged changes, this one hasn’t really been thought through. I know little about writing fiction and even less about what makes a good book. I have the thinnest of ideas for a plot but, for the first time in a while, I’m excited, I will be another Jane Austen with my fantasies which give me life. So now, I have to go and sharpen my pencil.