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“One day I went to a Swedish friend’s and while we were playing in his room, his mom yelled that dinner was ready. And check this. He told me to WAIT in his room while they ate!” an Internet user shared on a media platform. Consequently, there was a lot of criticism of the Swedes. Many said they wouldn’t dream of being so mean in their culture. Would a host in Sweden really not invite a guest to join their meal if it’s dinnertime?

It does happen, says Richard Tellstrom, a food historian at Stockholm University. He says this so-called “non-hospitality” was customary when he was a kid in the ‘60s and ‘70s. If he was over a friend’s house and it was time for dinner, he would go back to his own house to eat. Or he would stay and wait in another room while his friend finished his meal. Then they’d continue playing.

“Some Swedes think feeding a guest creates a sense of duty.” explains Tellstrom. “And in a society that values equality and independence, people don’t want to put a burden on someone or feel like they owe someone something.” However, it wasn’t a universal rule. Families in the countryside, for example, were more likely to feed guests. People lived farther apart, so it wasn’t as easy for people to go home and eat. The “no dinner for you” policy has slowly faded, says Tellstrom. “Since the 1990s, food has become a new symbol in society. We have open kitchens. People like to dine there and show off their cooking.”

But non-sharing hosts haven’t entirely disappeared, says Mohini Mehta, a food scholar. She admits she had a tough time adjusting to life in Sweden when she moved there in 2020. She was used to cooking dine every day for friends and hosting dinner parties almost weekly in India. She learned that in some cultures, like her own, sharing a meal with someone is a way to break the ice—but this isn’t always the case for Swedes.