学进去

My brother and I were like most people, I imagine, who find themselves trying to do the right things for a parent suffering from the symptoms of dementia （痴呆）. Though there was useful advice available from various online sources, nothing prepared us for the reality or the effects the symptoms had upon Mum's loving, kind, caring nature.

The greatest shock for me was seeing Mum being violent and aggressive with a carer. At times the aggression was directed at me too and I never really knew what to expect as Mum could go from being a loving Mother to this violent stranger in a flash. It was as though Mum had been possessed at times and all I could do was to constantly attempt to distract her from her fears at any moment.

One of the many challenging aspects of the dementia symptoms is that the sufferer often doesn't know that they're ill. In Mum's case, the main thing was to carry on as though everything was just as it always was. Many were the nights where she'd be convinced that friends and relatives were coming round for a party and she'd rush around setting the table, preparing snacks and getting everything ready until she was exhausted. I got to see first hand just how the anxieties that came with the illness would really stay with her until she fell asleep.

Mum longed for reminders of her early life in Liverpool and once travelling there had become too difficult, we found great comfort in local history books and a DVD about many of the places and landmarks Mum remembered from her childhood.

I learned to go with whatever experience Mum was having. I would always be with her. If I could pass on any guidance for those about to care for a loved one, it is the above I found that really helps.